This is Why We Need Feminism: A Rant
Here's a story about my day at work.
Today one of the cleaning ladies (who I love and adore) that works at my office struck up some small talk with me, providing me with some sage advice. (She's 57 years old and I'm 29 so it makes sense.) We'll call her Martha.
Martha's advice was basically to move home and find a husband, because "life isn't all work."
We had a short conversation about her stance on this. Now, I understand where she was coming from. She meant it from a kind place. She doesn't want me to grow up alone and lonely, and because of my job I moved far away from home a couple years ago, and I live by myself. I'm not angry or offended by what she said, but I am HELLA annoyed and frustrated. How do you fight that logic?
No, life is not all work. Family and loved ones are important. But I mean, like I told Martha, I got bills to pay. (She was like "we all have bills to pay." But like whaaaat? Somebody gotta put food on the table, so why does the man have to be the one to pay the bills, but I need to sit at home?) Again, I understand where Martha is coming from. She's from a relatively conservative state, and while there are plenty of women in the workforce here currently, even many of the women in my generation here are homemakers, and those are the ones that are more likely to study and/or work outside the home. Getting a husband and having children is just what you do here. Many local people tend to have very strong family ties to this state, and they marry and have children in their same home town, or at most a few hours drive away.
Staying close to home to have a family is great option and I'm sure it makes those people happy. I'm not against moving home and starting a family, I'm just like I GOT OTHER THINGS TO DO. I think it's frustrating how it's completely normal for someone to say something like that to me and completely forget about the fact that I might have professional qualifications to support myself, or career aspirations beyond having a family. That doesn't occur to people. Because I'm a young woman we've all decided my main goal in life is to 'find a husband'. Forget my master's degree or my current quarter-life crisis with my career options. As soon as I moved to the town where I currently live, the first question soooo many people asked me is if I'm married, and when I say "no" they immediately go "we're going to find you a husband." EVEN IN PROFESSIONAL SITUATIONS. Why would that be the first thing you say to someone? If I'm at a professional cocktail wearing a suit, heels and makeup, I'm not here for my health or for your commentary on my personal life. Yes, marriage (or lack thereof) is a part of life, but in these contexts, people wouldn't ask me these questions if I was a man.
Trying to express my frustration with this mentality is hard to express without sounding like I'm anti-housewives or anti-family or something. There's a reason I'm not into the housewife thing. It's like twice as much work as what I do now, there are no advancement opportunities and no retirement plan. Set aside the fact that as my interior decorating skills are lacking, I'm incredibly unqualified. Running a household is a SKILL. (Also set aside the fact that I'm in no danger of getting married.) I just know that as far as I can tell at this point, it's not for me. Not for the foreseeable future, anyway.
It's kind of like how people touch my hair without asking. I get it, I'm not offended and I don't take it personally. If you've never seen locs in real life or up close, you're curious. IT'S STILL HELLA ANNOYING. I'm not a zoo animal. But I digress.
Anyway, this rant is so tired and outdated. It's 2019 let's move past it. At least the admin assistant at work looked out for me. Her input on the conversation was "Aja has studied to much to just stop working now." Thank you.
I'm not saying I'm the smartest person on Earth, and I'm not saying there aren't some really smart women out there who decide to stay at home with children, I'M JUST SAYING I wouldn't have to field this kind of commentary if I was a man.
For fun, here are a couple other times I got annoyed that people don't look at me as a working professional:
Today one of the cleaning ladies (who I love and adore) that works at my office struck up some small talk with me, providing me with some sage advice. (She's 57 years old and I'm 29 so it makes sense.) We'll call her Martha.
Martha's advice was basically to move home and find a husband, because "life isn't all work."
We had a short conversation about her stance on this. Now, I understand where she was coming from. She meant it from a kind place. She doesn't want me to grow up alone and lonely, and because of my job I moved far away from home a couple years ago, and I live by myself. I'm not angry or offended by what she said, but I am HELLA annoyed and frustrated. How do you fight that logic?
No, life is not all work. Family and loved ones are important. But I mean, like I told Martha, I got bills to pay. (She was like "we all have bills to pay." But like whaaaat? Somebody gotta put food on the table, so why does the man have to be the one to pay the bills, but I need to sit at home?) Again, I understand where Martha is coming from. She's from a relatively conservative state, and while there are plenty of women in the workforce here currently, even many of the women in my generation here are homemakers, and those are the ones that are more likely to study and/or work outside the home. Getting a husband and having children is just what you do here. Many local people tend to have very strong family ties to this state, and they marry and have children in their same home town, or at most a few hours drive away.
Staying close to home to have a family is great option and I'm sure it makes those people happy. I'm not against moving home and starting a family, I'm just like I GOT OTHER THINGS TO DO. I think it's frustrating how it's completely normal for someone to say something like that to me and completely forget about the fact that I might have professional qualifications to support myself, or career aspirations beyond having a family. That doesn't occur to people. Because I'm a young woman we've all decided my main goal in life is to 'find a husband'. Forget my master's degree or my current quarter-life crisis with my career options. As soon as I moved to the town where I currently live, the first question soooo many people asked me is if I'm married, and when I say "no" they immediately go "we're going to find you a husband." EVEN IN PROFESSIONAL SITUATIONS. Why would that be the first thing you say to someone? If I'm at a professional cocktail wearing a suit, heels and makeup, I'm not here for my health or for your commentary on my personal life. Yes, marriage (or lack thereof) is a part of life, but in these contexts, people wouldn't ask me these questions if I was a man.
Trying to express my frustration with this mentality is hard to express without sounding like I'm anti-housewives or anti-family or something. There's a reason I'm not into the housewife thing. It's like twice as much work as what I do now, there are no advancement opportunities and no retirement plan. Set aside the fact that as my interior decorating skills are lacking, I'm incredibly unqualified. Running a household is a SKILL. (Also set aside the fact that I'm in no danger of getting married.) I just know that as far as I can tell at this point, it's not for me. Not for the foreseeable future, anyway.
It's kind of like how people touch my hair without asking. I get it, I'm not offended and I don't take it personally. If you've never seen locs in real life or up close, you're curious. IT'S STILL HELLA ANNOYING. I'm not a zoo animal. But I digress.
Anyway, this rant is so tired and outdated. It's 2019 let's move past it. At least the admin assistant at work looked out for me. Her input on the conversation was "Aja has studied to much to just stop working now." Thank you.
I'm not saying I'm the smartest person on Earth, and I'm not saying there aren't some really smart women out there who decide to stay at home with children, I'M JUST SAYING I wouldn't have to field this kind of commentary if I was a man.
For fun, here are a couple other times I got annoyed that people don't look at me as a working professional:
- In Peace Corps I met with the principal of the school to brief him on how I had recently been able to secure a book donation for a school an outline a plan for how we can acquire more and implement their use in English language classrooms. One of the front office secretaries was also present in the meeting. After I finished my short spiel, the principal was quiet for awhile. Then he turned and looked at the secretary and said "she's pretty, isn't she." I didn't know what to say, so I just sat there. He then proceeded to ask me questions that I had literally already JUST answered. Thankfully, the secretary answered all his questions for me ("Director, she just said that. . . .") so hopefully he got the idea that he was an ass. (Sidenote: Ok so I wasn't a working professional at that time per se--I was just a Peace Corps Volunteer--but I DID work at this school!)
- In my current job part of my responsibilities involve conducting short interviews with members of the public. I am so annoyed by the number of people every day who call me "muchacha". (I live in a Spanish speaking country, it's kind of like referring to someone by saying "hey girl" or "hey, little girl".) When I talk to people, I'm AT WORK and it's very clear that I work here. I'm not a waitress at a restaurant, I literally work an office job.
END RANT. Love y'all, bye. :)
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